It’s the most wonderful time of the year, and in a little over a week’s time, it’s going to get even more wonderful…
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Joe’s BLoGG
The 26th of December. Boxing Day. The Feast Of Stephen. The ground at Kempton is deep, the fences crisp, and the topography even.
In Mud’s “Lonely This Christmas”, Les Gray laments on his lonesome that “Christmas must have been made for us”, as he pines for a love much lost. However, racing fans can, weather permitting, always count on Boxing Day having been created just for them.
Below you can read of a man’s slow descent into turkey-fuelled madness, as I lay out my agenda for a sensational day. Christmas Day night cannot come soon enough.
7:30am – Wake Up, Restudy the Form
Whether I have placed bets on any of the 76 (SEVENTY-SIX!) races slated for action already is by the by. I never convince myself that the work is finished, as I still have four hours at this point to change my life.
First coffee brewed, straight to my head, and if I’m unlucky, this increasingly hallucinatory morning will lead me to backing that cliff horse again at 10/1.
9am – Polite Conversation with Family
It is Christmas after all. I’ll probably get a biscuit or mince pie out of it anyway.
10am – Ignore My Family for at Least an Hour
Never convince yourself the work is finished.
11am – Set up Four Devices to Stream Every Race
The good news for me is that my dad will happily watch along with at least ten of the races, perhaps struggling to get beyond the third at Fontwell. Fortunately, ITV will illuminate Kempton, so that gets the TV, my phone can capture Sedgefield (because I’d forget), and latterly the all-weather from Wolverhampton.
Then, work laptop, personal laptop and, good-will permitting, dad’s laptop can share the remaining eight meetings. Non-standard race times should mean I can keep abreast of everything once 11.40 comes around.
11.40am – The First
This is it. The start line. Must remember it’s a marathon not a sprint. I will be backing the favourite in the opener at Down Royal regardless of any research I have done in the race because it’s better to keep the powder dry, a lesson worth heeding for many at this time of year.
The 66/1 outsiders can come later.
11.45am – The Favourite Loses
It is fair to say that even 1/76 into the day, this feels like an omen.
2.15pm – The King George Still Hasn’t Been Run Yet
15 minutes remain until the big one, but my stamina is waning even after three rounds of turkey and stuffing sandwiches. My partner has rolled her eyes at me on at least five occasions, but really it’s me whose patience is being tested – can’t she wait until they’ve jumped the second last at Market Rasen?
2.40pm – The Least Likely Horse Wins the King George
Let’s be honest, if you backed Hewick last year you got lucky, nothing else.
3.45pm – Wolves Are My Last Hope
Given the form of Molineux’s finest in the Premier League, it does not bode well that my last four chances reside on the Tapeta.
5.05pm – The Finale
I will not be backing the favourite. Never, not in the last. This is what Christmas is all about, a heaven-sent 16/1 upset to save my gammon. I’m about 18 coffees deep at this point and might actually be imagining it.
Wolverhampton looks like a desert (might be an improvement), the commentator is simply making drone sounds, and I could swear they just loaded up Kauto Star and that Ruby Walsh just winked at me.
5.10pm – The Favourite Wins
Ah. Bollocks.
5.30pm – The Football’s On…
I’ve been letting the shower full blast me in the face for the last 20 minutes because it feels like I have six eyes. Then there’s a knock at the door and a muffled voice:
“Joe, the football’s about to start.”
Just as my energy resources were about to drain from my toes, new life has been breathed into me. I throw on some trackies and check the teams, only to see who’s at home…
Wolves.
Of course it is.
GG Jumps Journal – Looking Forward is Natural to Appease & Please the Masses
We are right in the sweet spot for the big Cheltenham Festival debate – namely, whether we should be looking furtively forward, or chastising those we catch doing so. Joe’s BloGG There is nuance to this debate far beyond the basics of the jumps season’s scheduling. As a year-round sport, racing can pick and choose…
Wed 11 Dec 2024Fascinations & Irritations
Even if you weren’t fascinated or irritated by the above, here are some notebook scribbles from the past week.
Fascination – Mister Coffey
A second or third season novice is one thing, but there surely has never been a fourth season novice chaser with as high a profile as Mister Coffey. He has finished second in a Grade 1, placed twice at the Cheltenham Festival, even looking like he was going to win the 2023 Grand National for a long way, and yet still has not reached the finish line first over fences.
His fast-closing second in the Cross Country handicap at Cheltenham last Friday was possibly the perfect encapsulation of his plight. The handicapper has pushed Nicky Henderson’s beleaguered nine-year-old back up another 3lb.
Being rated 143 is a decent achievement for any horse. To do so having never won is remarkable. It is now eight runner-up finishes and counting for the equine equivalent of Greg Norman, but at least he won’t sell his soul to the detriment of his sport.
Irritation – Bemoaning Amateur Jockeys
This is not a defence of gifting 30-length leads, but constant calls to be refunded when your horse isn’t the one with a mammoth advantage serves only to belittle a generation and demographic of rider horse racing depends on for its participation.
Amateur jockeys will get more wrong than professionals, but the pros are not immune to errors of judgment when it comes to pace. Visually, the mistakes made by amateurs and conditionals will be more heinous, but let us not call for month-long bans every time it happens.
GG Jumps Journal – Welcome to the GG Index of Genuine Greatness
Sometimes we must counter traditional measurements with new thinking. Hence – welcome to the GG Index – or the Genuine Greatness index. Joe’s BloGG There are two videos which do the rounds at this time of the racing calendar. The first is Denman’s second “Hennessy” triumph (more on that sponsor later), through which “The Tank”…
Wed 04 Dec 2024Tip for the Weekend
Because when else can you trust a man’s opinion than when he’s just deliriously guided you through his Boxing Day routine?
However, depending on whether we go via SP or price advised, we are still up for this column by either one or seven points since its induction. The next winner is hopefully round the corner.
He is yet to run this season, but with no other entries, Favour And Fortune could still be well treated in the concluding (3.35pm) Ladbrokes Handicap Hurdle at Ascot on Saturday, as he goes well fresh. The six-year-old won three times last year, as well as finishing runner-up in a Grade 1. He is up 3lb for winning in a tight conclusion to the Scottish Champion Hurdle at Ayr, but that form stands to critique, while the chance of ground quicker than soft might also aid his chances further.